Celebrating Accomplished and Substantive Lives More Than a Month at a Time
The author with Pacito, Mama, and Mama Reyes (l. to r.)
A thought flutters into your mind… and you would swear it is a memory. But you can’t recall having lived it.
Sometimes I summon up a recollection about my paternal grandmother, christened Reyes, called Mama Reyes by me… but I cannot quite bring the scene into focus though. Then I remember it was only a story, an anecdote shared by one of my parents.
Mama Reyes died when I was eleven, so my memories of her consist not of years, but of life lessons.
At the end of the 19th century, it was not uncommon for women to marry early. In fact, as I was told, in the case of Mama Reyes, she was encouraged by her mother (a la Jane Austen’s Mrs. Bennett) to marry this “older man with money.” He would provide much-needed security, according to her mother. So, Reyes did. And the man did not.
Reyes was only fourteen or fifteen when they stood at the altar. She bore him four children before he decided to move on. It was a pattern of behavior this man repeated with no repercussions. He had previously left another woman and their children when his roving eye turned to the girlish Reyes. So the story goes.
After her husband left her to raise her fourth child – my father – on her own, Reyes never looked back and never asked her former husband for anything. I didn’t even know anything about Dad’s father until years after Mama Reyes died.
As I replay the images in my mind, Mama Reyes was the picture of self-reliance and determination. She stood tall, her grayish shoulder-length hair pulled back from her face. With high cheek bones that to me became more pronounced when she laughed, and her refusal to feel sorry for herself ever, it was easy to understand why my father had such a deep respect and love for this woman.
My father told me how Mama Reyes worked multiple jobs to support herself, him, and his two teenaged sisters. (The eldest son had moved to California.) She even scolded my Dad when he wanted to leave high school to get a job so that she didn’t have to work so hard. But that’s a story for another time.
A compendium of my own memories, family photos, and oral stories told about Reyes crafted the biographical film strip that runs through my mind of my father’s mother. Others may not have thought she was the warmest woman, but she was always kind to me.
One of the best and longest lasting lessons she taught me is to not allow yourself to be negatively affected by what happens to you in life but rather focus on how you can be a better person in spite of those experiences. She instilled that lesson in my father, and, by his example, he taught me. Dad’s life might have turned out differently had it not been for the tenacity of his loving mother (and caring sisters). And, of course, Mama Reyes’ influence over the woman he eventually married. (Again, another story for another time!)
I grew up believing the women in our family were the wellspring of strength, ability and fortitude. I was right.
My maternal grandmother, Dolores, had a different upbringing and married life. Mama, as she was known to me and my sisters, was a diminutive woman who was seldom found without a pocketed housecoat over her regular weekday dress. She and my grandfather were two of the hardest working people I have ever known.
My earliest remembrance of Mama was her making tortillas and chopping New Mexico-grown green chile in our kitchen for dinner. She scrubbed floors and vacuumed hallways in the apartment building she and my grandfather managed. In later years, she would put away her domestic tools in the evening and switch to pen and paper to keep track of accounts for the property owner.
Mama always made sure my grandfather was never without work either. If he was caught up with his chores at the apartment building, she would let the landlord know my “Pacito” was available for painting projects at other properties. They worked six days a week – and on the seventh, out came Pacito’s coat and tie and Mama’s finest hat and gloves for worship at the local Catholic church.
You would never know this little woman labored in a cotton frock for other folks all week long. Dolores never showed any bitterness despite at least two miscarriages. She finally gave birth to two girls and two boys. Her faith in God never faltered, especially when dealing with many health issues throughout her life. And she maintained a positive determination when she and my grandfather left the family home in Albuquerque to follow their first-born daughter (my Mom) and her family to California in the early 1950s.
Though not women of much formal education, Reyes and Dolores each possessed insight and acumen worthy of accolades. They knew instinctively that the way to keep the young men in their families out of trouble was through work, hard work and plenty of it. And they both recognized the long-term rewards from a marriage between my father and mother. Their praises were never sung by anyone but their families – and that was fine by them.
Some say my female forebearers were of a different time when women rose to a high level of accomplishment despite daily hardships and lack of opportunities but without hope of receiving acknowledgement of their caliber.
Perhaps there is truth in that, but I think history shows that women typically strive to be the family fountainheads and, whether by choice or necessity, they succeed. And… are aware of their own worth.
Women have been leading, fighting, strategizing, building, advising, contributing, and winning for millennia. Throughout history, we find formidable women of intellect, resolve, diplomacy, grace and power.
Each year since 1987, the U.S. president issues a formal proclamation that the month of March is to be celebrated as Women’s History Month. The theme that first year was “Generations of Courage, Compassion, and Conviction.” My grandmothers could have easily been honorees supporting the theme. Yours too?
Interesting concept. It’s a little odd that it takes a presidential proclamation to designate a 31-day period on the calendar to honor the historical accomplishments of the sex which makes up 49.7 percent of the world’s population.
The theme for Women’s History Month 2026, apparently determined by the National Women’s History Alliance, was “Leading the Change: Women Shaping A Sustainable Future.” The NWHA website says that shaping a sustainable future means fostering systems that support both people and the planet. I would say a pretty good foundation is already in place. You cannot sustain a future of strong women if you don’t recognize fully the contributions of the past.
Our great nation is celebrating 250 incredible years, with no shortage of women to honor as part of the commemoration. And that does not even include individuals like Reyes and Dolores.
Women’s History Month 2026 is over. My plan to extol the many contributions, inspirations, teachings, and stories given us by women since 1776 is just starting.
Not only American women, but women of many nationalities who deserve a shout out – some you’ve heard of, some maybe not. Some you may know well, some you wish you knew. Some the women behind famous men, some who stand behind no one.
In any case, I promise you, they all merit more than a month.